Working with high achieving individuals many of them think that they are emotionally regulated (feeling your feelings without letting them control you) but are quick to find out that they are emotionally suppressed (holding feelings in, shutting down, pushing it away instead of feeling it and processing their feelings) and need to put in the time and work so that they can become an emotionally regulated individual.
When an emotionally regulated client gets upset, they tell themselves or those around them that they are pissed (express emotion in a positive manner) and need to take some space and walk away from the situation (take 5-10 minutes to collect their thoughts and potentially calm down but always come back to finish the conversation). An emotionally regulated individual can effectively communicate to their partner, co-workers, or those around them and they know what is needed for them to process the specific emotions that they are currently feeling.
An emotionally suppressed individual will say nothing about being upset and will allow the tension and emotion build up inside of them. They will act like everything is fine even though inside they are raging. This leads to resentment, very harsh sarcastic comments or snapping over something very minuscule.
When dealing with sadness a person who is emotionally regulated will allow themselves to be sad. They will take steps to help deal with the sadness like journaling, crying or talking to friends or family members. These individuals process sadness cleanly and without any issues or concerns.
An emotionally suppressed individual will ignore the explicit feelings and suppress them. They will try to push harder to get past them and not think about their feelings. They will do anything to get these feelings off their mind instead of confronting the emotion head on. These individuals will tell themselves or have thoughts that they are weak and that they shouldn’t feel like this.
When dealing with other loved ones, friends or co-workers, an emotional regulated individual will stay present when dealing with other person’s emotions. They will not ignore or walk away from the situation when things get emotional. This individual will listen and stay grounded throughout the conversation. They will not get defensive or make the conversation about themselves to protect their emotions. This individual will take the time to listen and learn throughout the conversation.
An emotional suppressed individual will more than likely become cold and distant during hard or emotional conversations. They will make comments like “you are being dramatic” or “I do not know what you want from me”. They will check out from the engagement all together.
Overall, both individuals appear to be calm cool and collective, but in reality, only one of these individuals has their shit together when it comes to emotions while the other still needs to put in the work. The emotional regulated person will have vulnerable conversations. They don’t shut down when shit gets real.
In the end, the person who is not regulated will attract or have partners that do not feel seen or heard, which will lead to possible marital issues or not being able to connect with their supervisor or teams in a work setting. They will have a sex life that is less than fulfilled or passionate due to potentially lacking intimate connection to their partner. They may even have ED or sexual performance issues due to the lack of connection even through everything is working biologically. An individual who is emotionally connected and regulated tends to be better at sex, feel more fulfilled when it comes to sex, are better leaders in the board room and a great communicator in the work environment and overall. These individuals are working with their emotions and not against them.
Ask yourself this question – are you calm because you are grounded or calm because you are numb? If you are calm because you are grounded, great. However, if you are calm because you are numb, you need to get in contact with our office and set up a one-on-one session to discuss how you can become a regulated high achieving individual. If you want to feel more, connect more and be present in the moment, let us help you get there. You will not only see your personal relationships flourish, but you will also see your work communications become more effective at all levels.
