One of the best pieces of advice that I can give my couples is that at some point in their relationship, the relationship will become boring. The relationship will become monogamous. Jobs, kids, other activities will get in the way and the mondain routines of life will make the relationship feel stuck or boring. Don’t panic, this is normal and is a good thing as it means you are comfortable.
There are going to be times when you are not sexually attracted to your partner. There are going to be times when you don’t like one another. That doesn’t mean that you don’t like them. My mom used to say all the time, “I love you, but it doesn’t mean that I like you right now” when I would get into trouble. The same goes for our partners. Again, don’t panic as this is normal as you go through the years and decades of your relationship.
They say that people change and evolve every 5 years. This means that you need to reengage and reinvent your relationship every 3-5 years to keep things fresh and moving in the right direction. This is where I see couples and their relationships break down the most. The people are continuously changing, but the relationship needs to evolve with the participants as well.
We all lack communication in relationships from time to time. We assume that our partners should know what they are thinking instead of telling them. What used to work for you then may not work for you now. How are they supposed to know if you do not effectively communicate with them and tell them what you expect and how you want to be treated.
We need to be honest with our partners no matter what. Desirability is unsustainable for both men and women. Both partners have a duty to take care of themselves both mentally and physically. They have a duty to make sure the boredom of the relationship is short lived and when you both find yourselves in this rut get out of it as quickly as possible.
We make time for many other things, but we also need to make sure that we are taking time for the relationship. We should be talking 30 to 60 minutes a week talking about the relationship. Those talks should not be about the individuals in the relationship, but the actual relationship. These discussions should be about the future of the relationship. Where do you want to be in six months. Where do you see the relationship in 1 or 5 years? Make time for the relationship and it will blossom and grow just like anything else you water and take good care of.
Date nights are a must. As the man, make the reservation and take your lady out for a nice evening. Load the bikes in the back of the car and go to the park to watch the sunset and go for a bike ride. Weekly (hopefully daily) walks together around the neighborhood. Remember that favorite park bench where the two of you used to sit and talk about life. You need to get there as soon as possible. Date nights don’t need to break the bank. Nice dinners are great, but so is Jersey Mike’s or Chinese overlooking the lake or wherever the two of you have memories that are tied to each other together.
From time to time when the mondain routines set in, go back to where the relationship all started. Go back to why you both fell in love. Go forward and talk about the dreams and where you want the relationship to be in the near and distant future.
Remember, boring is good. That means that there are no significant changes or drama. But that also means that you may need to spice things up from time to time (doesn’t always have to be in the bedroom but it doesn’t hurt). Don’t forget to make time for the relationship. We all work hard at everything else. The relationship should not work. It should be your peace. Remind yourself and your partner about all the little things that you love about each other every day and don’t forget to thank your partner for all the things that they do even if you think that is their job. They have the choice not to do shit, thank you’s are a must. You guys got this!
