I want you to stop for a minute and answer me this question – “What does self-respect look like to you”? What are some of the things that immediately popped into your head? Now, think of all the things that you defined self-respect to look like and tell me, are you practicing self-respect for yourself? Are you prioritizing your self-respect as a priority in your life? Are you advocating for yourself (as no one else will)?
If we were to write down every through that popped into your head and mine, I will be that our lists would be like each other’s.
- Setting boundaries
- Prioritizing well being
- Standing up for ourselves
- Pursuing with a purpose
- Self-compassion
- Trusting ourselves
Does the list above look like the list that you have in your head? Now, the next question is, are you living up to and following those characteristics or self-respect or are you letting others “walk all over you” or “push you out of the way”?
If you can’t say to yourself that you are living up to having self-respect, what do you need to do to change your way of life and thinking?
In a 2020 study published in Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, researchers manipulated scenarios in which people adhered to their moral standards and then measured their feelings of self-respect and self-esteem. They found that doing what aligns with your morals, however small or routine, significantly increased subjects’ state self-respect and, over time, bolstered their self-esteem.
In other words, self-respect isn’t the same as feeling good about yourself. It comes from living in a way consistent with your values, and treating yourself with regard, not just love or affection. And that distinction is critical. Self-esteem can waver with external successes or failures; self-respect, at its best, belongs to your internal code and survives when external applause vanishes (Travers, PhD, 2026).
Are you setting boundaries for yourself (see blog on what are boundaries) and adhering to them? Are you putting your health above all others. I always like the saying when you get onto an airplane that “you need to put your mask on first before you can help others”. That saying goes for in life as well. If you are not feeling well, how do you expect to take care of others. How can you expect to heal yourself mentally and physically when you are not putting on your mask first.
Are you making choices that are aligning with your core values or are you making choices based on what you think others want you to do? Not sticking to your core values increases your stress levels and anxiety levels, which can lead to additional health problems.
Are you treating yourself with the same care and consideration that you offer to others? You are considerate to others; don’t you deserve the same consideration and respect?
You are respectful to others. Do you think that you deserve to be disrespected by others? Isn’t the golden rule do onto others as you would have them do to you.
When we are our true authentic selves, we are putting ourselves first and we are showing ourselves and others what self-respect looks like. No, this is not being selfish, this is being considerate to ourselves and prioritizing our own health and wellbeing. We do not need the praise of others when we have self-esteem, we have internal validation that allows us to feel good about ourselves.
Building self-respect involves treating ourselves with kindness, setting clear boundaries with others, practicing self-care, aligning our actions with our values and not having negative self-talk. We need to build self-trust and self-worth. We need to practice self-acceptance by acknowledging our flaws and mistakes but not letting them define us as a person. What are some other things that we can do to help build up our self-respect?
Still not sure where to start or begin on the journey or self-respect, reach out and set up a time to talk. Together we will define and create what your self-respect looks like to you.
Reference
Travers, PhD, M. (2026, January 3). Why Self-Respect Is So Powerful. Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/social-instincts/202601/why-self-respect-is-so-powerful
