What happened to the days when people did things for others out of the kindness of their hearts? What happened to the days where a man could make breakfast in bed for his woman and not expect anything in return. What happened to the days where the woman didn’t care what the man did for a living or how much money he made and that he treated her well and with respect. Have relationships become transactional?
Are people today only getting into relationships with other people that will benefit themselves and not the greater good of the relationship or to better themselves as a person? Are people only doing things for the other person because they are expecting something in return? Is this why people ask all the time is chivalry dead?
I have had women tell me that she will not date a man unless he can take her to five-star restaurants at least once a week. When I asked her about how he treated her, she stated she can deal with some bullshit, if she is seen out at high end restaurants. Where is the meaningful connection in that? I asked her what happens in 10 years when she is alone or with someone who no longer provides value to her or gives her a sense of purpose. Her response was to move onto the next one who does. Lovely! If this is how everyone thinks, then why even bother. Romance has shifted from an emotional growth activity to an exchange based on value and reciprocity. This woman is ok with her man sleeping with other women and cheating on her as long as she gets fed once a week some wagyu beef.
Social media and dating sites are not help to this either. They have created this kind of mindset. Swipe right until you find what you want. It doesn’t work, swipe right until it does. The girl that I mentioned earlier is only worried about likes on the gram and showing people a side of her life that only exists for 2 hours a week. What about the other 166 hours?
Only Fans and Seeking Arrangements are other sites that are not helping the cause. Sites like these only further establish the transactional nature of modern relationships. Platforms like these enable and normalize arrangements for exchanging emotional or physical intimacy for financial benefits or other material gains. Seeking Arrangements, for instance, is quite upfront about its purpose: It is a venue for sugar relationships, where terms are negotiated like business deals, and interactions are straightforward and contractual. OnlyFans, primarily a content subscription service, involves financial transactions for personalized interaction , which can parallel the dynamics of transactional relationships (Alam PhD, 2025).
Single clients have shown me their dating profiles where the women they have an opportunity to meet have listed “the best way to ask me out…. Cash App. Venmo is my love language was another great pick-up line that I saw. Women stoop this low, but at least you know where they stand before you ask them out. Others wait till you catch feelings, then crush your soul. The ones asking for the money up front in exchange for whatever are the ones that are at least being honest and upfront. In the end, they will be the lonely individuals trying to figure out where it all went wrong, but they are not hurting others, only themselves.
I am tired of hearing all the time “what do you bring to the table”? Seriously? Is everyone now viewing relationships through an economic lens and not through the eyes of their heart? Are we now dealing in terms of assets and liabilities? On a first date should everyone bring their personal financial statements and a 12-month rolling profit and loss statement?
Psychology Today states that in transactional relationships each party comes with specific assets and liabilities, seeking a partner whose offerings match or exceed their own, often defined as hypergamy. This pragmatic approach has transformed love from a cooperative game into what many see as a zero-sum game, where the goal is not to enhance well-being mutually but to ensure that one’s investments are adequately reciprocated. Look, we all want to marry rich, but what if we found someone that we could make an empire with and create our own wealth? I guess instant gratification is now taking precedence over hard work and power couples who start with nothing and end with everything.
Years ago, arranged marriages were transactional relationships. A father gave away his daughter to a suitor. That suitor agreed to marry his daughter for property, goats, chickens, money as more as the dowry. This helped both parties establish themselves. This also enticed or enhanced the bride’s desirability. If money and brand name items are all that women are looking for nowadays, maybe bringing back the arranged marriage traditions are not a bad idea. All they need to do is have their father or brothers hook them up with a rich family.
Now, I am not saying that all transactional relationships are bad, but the understanding and communication up front is a must to make sure that both parties are on the same page. This is no different than a business deal and having a contract in place to understand what each party is going to provide. With this type of relationship, there is little or no room for meaningful connection.
The unfortunate part is that there are a lot of good people (both men and women) that are looking for traditional relationships. They want to meet someone, get married, settle down and have a family without the what did you do for me latterly conversations. This is unfortunate as these people have to wade through all the toxic bull shit to find the right person, but by the time that happens, do they even want to bother or continue or do they see the single life as a better alternative than the toxic dating scene that is currently developing.
What are your experiences? What have you seen out there in today’s dating world? Do you have any exciting dating stories or have you decided that being single is a whole lot better than the process.
We all have wonderful traits to offer to another individual. No matter how small or how someone values them, we all want and are willing to give and take to find the one relationship that will last a lifetime. There are still fairy tale endings. You just need to fight a few snaggle tooth dragons to get to the princess.
References
Alam PhD, N. (2025, February 17). The Transactional Nature of Modern-Day Romance. Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/pop-culture-mental-health/202502/the-transactional-nature-of-modern-day-romance#:~:text=Key%20points,of%20unconditional%20love%20and%20connection.
