For over the past several decades generations have preached how a man should treat a woman and how a woman should expect a man to treat her. For generations mothers have taught their daughters what they should expect from a man. For generations fathers have taught their sons how to treat a lady. I am sure as you are reading this right now you are thinking back to your conversations with your kids or with your parents.
But, let me ask you this……as a father, have you ever had a discussion with your son on how he should expect a woman to treat him? As a mother and a daughter, did you ever have the discussion on how you should treat your man or what or how your man expects to be treated?
As men and women, the only real examples that we have are our parents and grand parents when we are growing up. We see how our mothers treat our father and so on. If respect wasn’t given back and forth between our parents where they both showed appreciation for the other person, how were we as children really going to learn? This isn’t something that is taught in school.
In the article How should a Woman Treat A Man by Rachael Pace, the author talks about recognizing a man’s worth as an individual and showing him love and respect (Pace, 2024). Pace continues to state that a woman should treat her man that same way that she would want to be treated. She should be making her man feel valued, trusted, loved and respected. Pace goes on to talk about how treating a man well is important because it will make the relationship better.
We have all heard the saying “Happy Wife, Happy Life”, but is that true? At what point does a man have to give up a part of himself for his wife to be happy? This statement implies that the happiness of the relationship is solely the responsibility of the woman. Doesn’t this put pressure on the woman as well to ensure that the relationship is happy? If you ask me, this creates an imbalance and an unhealthy dynamic and could lead to resentment. Maybe the saying needs to be “Happy Spouse, Peaceful House” so that the man can also be included in the happiness of the relationship.
So many men come to me and don’t feel heard, do not feel appreciated, think that what they are contributing to the relationship does not matter. When I ask if they have had a discussion with their spouse about what they are thinking, most will quote “Happy Wife, Happy Life”, to which I respond, at what cost? How much are you willing to give of yourself before you are miserable and end up hating the woman that you love? This phrase may have worked and been true during the 1950’s, but fast forward to 2025 where gender roles have changed and both parties in the relationship should have an opinion.
We are taught to treat everyone with kindness, but why are some husbands the exception to the rule? Why do some women think that they can treat their husbands worse than their family pet? On the flip side, why is it ok for a man to give give give and never receive the same respect, loyalty and appreciation on his side?
Now, I am not saying this is true of every relationship as there are so many amazing examples in this world of loving and respectful relationships. However, when you look in the media, what is being said about relationships and what are we being programmed to recognize and cater to?
In my couples’ sessions I always like to ask the husband, “what makes your wife happy” and they can rattle off countless things, but when I ask the woman the same question there is usually a long pause followed by awkward silence. It is amazing to see how many women in relationship do not know what makes their man happy. Men are simple creatures. It does not take a lot. Even something so small can go a long way. Again, I am not saying every wife does not know, but if the relationship was good and both parties were happy, they are not coming to see me.
Some of the things that will make men happy:
- Buy him gifts – and I don’t mean socks and underwear at Christmas
- Praise him
- Tell him you appreciate whatever task he did or is going to do
- Know what is important to him
- Show him respect
- Treat him with love and care
- Listen to him
- Leet him be vulnerable when he needs to be
- Never compare him to other men or husbands
- Understand him and don’t make him beg for attention (silent treatment or other)
- Support him and trust him
- Apologize when necessary
- Celebrate his successes
What do you think about the list above? Do you agree or disagree? What is missing? What makes your man or spouse so special? What makes your special person happy?
In the end, we all want to be treated well. We all want to feel appreciated and loved. This is no different for a man or a woman. If both parties in the relationship are truly happy, life is a whole lot better and easier when there is peace where peace should be.
It’s time for us to change the culture and communication as parents, friends and spouses. Let’s teach our daughters how to treat their man when we are telling them how a man should treat them. Let’s teach our sons that it is ok to tell a woman how you want and expect to be treated. Let’s all be happy in our relationships, no matter who it is with.
References
Pace, R. (2024, June 25).
How Should a Woman Treat a Man: 23 Ways to Do It Right | Marraige.com.
