I just finished reading the book “Lead Yourself First” by Dr. Kevin Mays and wanted to share some thoughts and insights that I got out of the book.
First, your beliefs were not invented by you, they were instilled in you at an early age where you subconsciously adopted them. What does this mean? It means that the way you manage, and process information comes from an early age. For example, when making business decisions you are cautious. This could be from your upbringing of a cautious environment.
To become a master at leading and changing yourself, you need to learn to look both internally and externally. You need to look inward and backwards not to blame but to understand what changes that you may need to make. Having clarity about your past opens the door for you to see your own narrative and patterns that could potentially be holding you back as a leader, in your marriage and in life.
Many top performers in the business world think that just because you are a rock star performer, does not mean that you are ready to lead. This is the furthest thing from the truth. How many times have we seen someone get a promotion because of the work that they did, but have no clue or idea on how to lead a team or be a leader? Leadership requires wholeness. Wholeness requires incorporating empathy, clarity, curiosity, and strategy with leadership. You must have ownership, accountability and responsibility. You can never blame, have excuses or be defensive as an effective leader.
As a leader (spouse, parent, etc.) you need to be present. You need to be in the here and now without distraction. You need to have awareness, intention and vision as a leader. When presence is gone, so is clarity. Being present isn’t a talent, it is a discipline. It is mental and something that can be learned and built into memory muscle just like any other daily activity. You just need to have a continuous effort to make the changes and focus on what is important. To many times we are physically present, but mentally, we are thinking about something else, and our minds are not where we need them to be. Devices and distractions are not adding any help to this issue. Putting them down and focusing on being present is a great start to truly being present.
Being present also means putting aside your bias that you developed at a young age and how you currently perceive the world. Putting your bias aside will allow you to observe without judgement. We need to remember that our brain is not reacting to facts or the real information that is presented to us, it is reacting to what our bias created those facts to be and without clarity and awareness, you will treat the information as truth instead of what the truth really is. This is why I always say there are three sides to every story. Your version, their version and the truth. In the end, we are choosing our behavior on purpose.
Understanding whether the choices you are making daily align with your future self or just support the version you are trying to outgrow. Are the decisions that you are making move you closer to who you want to become or are they holding you back and in your current mindset and version of yourself? Without putting the work in and having a vision of who you want to become, you will lead from your past (history) and not lead with or from possibility.
Leadership isn’t just about managing people; it is about helping them improve. You need to be present to help others improve. Simon Sinek once said, “The leaders who get the most out of their people are the leaders who care most about their people”. If people feel like they matter, something changes. They will show up differently. They will contribute differently. They will have a sense of belonging. Being present and having a vision allows you as a leader to show your teammates that you care. It starts small and the rewards from them will be great.
When people stop caring, they do the minimum. They play it safe. They protect themselves by checking the boxes and nothing more. This is not from laziness, but from an environment that does not care about them as individuals. From an environment that does not value them as people. Not being present and not having vision can show your team that you do not care, or it can be perceived that you could give two shits.
When people feel seen, heard and valued, they will give more than their labor. They will show up not because they must, but because they want to. They will care and that is the key to success. Getting this type of response from our team members starts with us as leaders setting the tone.
When someone walks in your office (or when a spouse wants to talk to you), stop what you are doing and “be present”. Show them that they matter to you. Show them that what they have to say means something to you.
As leaders, we cannot lead others if we do not have the discipline to lead ourselves. Whether it is at the office or at home, we need to understand our leadership style so that we can be successful for ourselves and for those that we care about.
Need a little help in finding your leadership style? Send us an email or give a us a call! We will have you leading with purpose in no time.
