No matter which dating coach you listen to, they all say never to chase. Coaches are telling the women to never chase men and men are being told to never chase women. If this is the case that no one is supposed to chase, then how will anyone ever get together if no one is chasing no one? Then who is supposed to make the first move?
Now, I must agree that there is some truth to this advice, but only to a point. First, this comes down to confidence. Are you confident enough to chase and potentially give up some of the power at the beginning of the relationship? This does however potentially give you the masculine energy at the start of the relationship.
A masculine man recognizes his value and knows when to pursue and when to walk away from the relationship. Walking away is not losing or weakness. It is clarity and self-respect. Do not ever confuse the two or let others tell you differently.
The real question is why you are willing to chase someone who is willing to let you go or let you disappear from your life. If they want to go, let them and keep your self-respect. Why are so many people today willing to betray themselves for the chance of a little affection? You are not chasing, love, respect or commitment, you are chasing hope. You are chasing the potential and not the reality.
When a person starts to chase, you are running away from something internally that is not there. Is it insecurity? Is it lack of purpose? Are you running away from your current life? Have you not built a life that you are worthy enough to live and proud enough to show off? If you are chasing, you are looking for an answer to a question. You are chasing because you think that will add value to your existence or that person will change something within or around you. If you are chasing, you may no longer be a force, but you become a follower. When you chase, you have the potential to lose your identity as a person. Have you become emotionally dependent on someone else’s validation to define your self-worth?
In my practice, I have seen this countless times. A client loses themselves in the pursuit of someone who doesn’t value them as a person. This happens when you have not learned to value yourself as a person. I have seen this with friends, family and more. We think that if we love that person and that we must have them in our lives or we chase that specific person as they hold the golden ticket to our happiness.
An individual with standards and direction does not need to chase. People will see their value, their masculinity and see that they want to have this individual as part of their life. An individual like this will not beg as he knows the immense value that he brings to any relationship. Now, this is not arrogance or being a prick or an asshole. This is self-respect.
As individuals, we cannot look to others to heal our inadequacies. This is not their job. This is your job. You are responsible for you and only you when it comes to this topic.
Remember, the person that doesn’t chase is the one who is chased? Why is this? It is because that individual communicates value. This individual communicates mystery and depth. This individual is full and does not need anyone to complete them. They have already done the work, and that work is magnetic to others. They do not need to beg for love or respect. They already have it.
If the other person wants to walk away…” let them”. I can guarantee you this, you will never be forgotten and will more than likely be the one that they lay up at night wondering about. The one “who got away” and they will have guilt, not you. They will have remorse, not you. They will be the ones missing out on the amazing individual that you are. You are amazing because you set boundaries and have self-worth and self-respect. Why is it the minute the person stops trying that they become desirable?
We tend to forget that chasing is not romantic, it is desperate. Desperation at the core is repulsive to others and yourself when to look in the mirror. We don’t pursue others because we love them. We chase because we have abandoned ourselves and our core values.
The person who does not chase doesn’t have to twist themselves into the person you think the other person will love. If you do this, you lose the one thing that made you desirable in the first place. You lose because you stopped being you.
The person who does not chase creates respect, curiosity and desire because he is not forcing connection. He is allowing it to emerge organically. He is allowing it to create one its own naturally.
If your absence does not matter to them, then your presence never did either. I know it is a hard truth to hear, but it is just that, the truth. If their affection is contingent on you constantly proving something, performing or pleasing, then you have already lost. You should never have to audition to be a part of that person’s life.
A person who can walk away from anyone or anything and still be complete is terrifying to most people. To have such strength and fortitude. This person, this individual is truly powerful.
People without structure or purpose turn relationships into identity. They think love will fix the hole in their soul. True love and real love will only concur when both individuals are willing to walk away from it all and they both have self-respect for themselves and for their partner. When two whole people meet, the relationship will thrive.
When one person in the relationship is put on a pedestal it is not romantic, it is not love that you are offering, it is worship. This can be suffocating; This is pressure, and it can potentially kill the relationship from the inside out. If you think they will love you more for being available to them 24/7 you are mistaken. You think that the individual wants you to ignore your values? If this happens, they will question your backbone. They will eventually be repulsed because deep down you do not have self-worth.
A person who enters a relationship with an identity rooted in discipline, purpose and truth is not seeking rescuing. He is bringing something to the table that is not conditional on the other person’s approval. You know what happens then, respect! Respect for the other person develops and the other person knows that they are being invited into a reality already worth living in.
Remember, the person who asks themselves what is required of themselves is the only one who can stand alone. When this happens, the person meant for you will not run from you. They will respect you.
The only person who finds real love is the person who never needs the approval of others. Masculine individuals don’t chase, they lead. When leading is not welcome, a masculine individual will leave. You cannot build a kingdom with someone else who sees you as a servant. A disciplined individual will show up when it is hard and uncomfortable. When both parties agree to grow everyday when it hurts, you develop a bond that is almost unbreakable under pressure and either person will ever have to chase. You will get a love that evolves, matures and that lasts.
Resources
https://youtu.be/Ck4_EeWJOms?si=1mLJ5gvIkGK1aL0T
Dr. Jordan Peterson – https://www.jordanbpeterson.com/
