When is the last time that you took your spouse on a date? I mean an actual date that you planned, make reservations, put on a clean shirt and got them flowers? When is the last time your spouse felt loved and excited to go on a date with you? When is the last time you had a date night for pizza, wings or something different and special that the two of you enjoy and provides you with the opportunity to bond as a couple?
This is one of my favorite questions to ask couples when the come to see me. The looks on their faces tells it all. I hate to say it, but you wonder why you are sitting on my couch when you can’t remember the last time that you went on a date with your spouse. News flash! Dating doesn’t stop when you get married it just resets itself and starts over. Dating continues when you get married, not stops. Dating is one of the most important things that you can do in your relationship for your relationship. Date night isn’t just for Valentine’s Day, it is for everyday!
Did you know that over half (52%) of husbands and wives reported “never” or rarely going out on dates, while 48% reported regular date nights (once or twice a month) or more often, per the university of Virginia’s National Marriage Report. Husbands and wives who reported more frequent date nights reported being happier in their marriages and less likely to see divorce in their future. Couples who reported frequent date nights were 21% more likely to report being “very happy” with their sexual relationship. Want more sex in your life, go on a date!
The report indicates that husbands and wives who don’t make time for a regular date night are missing out on more than just a night out away from the kids. That’s because regularly dating your spouse is linked to a happier and more stable marriage. A regular date night also seems to boost marital stability.
Wives and husbands who reported frequent date nights “were about 14% more likely to report that ‘divorce was not at all likely’ in the future,” compared to those who “infrequently or never go on dates.” So, what exactly is it about a regular date night that might help foster a happier and longer lasting marriage? Report co-authors Brad Wilcox and Jeffery Dew offer several research-backed explanations, including that couples who continue to date after they tie the knot enjoy better communication, sex, and commitment. Husbands and wives who reported more frequent date nights were significantly more likely to say they are “very happy” with how they communicate.
Want more sex in your life-go on a date! Frequent date nights can also mean more time and opportunity for romance. As Wilcox and Dew put it, “date nights may strengthen or rekindle that romantic spark that can be helpful in sustaining the fires of love over the long haul.” Indeed, the report finds that couples who date regularly were about 21% more likely to report being “very happy” with their sexual relationship compared to couples who reported infrequent date nights.
This is not hard. This is not a foreign concept to most of us. You had to date them to get them to like you and say yes to marriage, so why stop there. You should be realistically dating your spouse every night! Quit rolling your eyes at me and hear me out. Effort is a great start. You don’t need to go to a fancy restaurant, you can go for a walk together, have a glass of wine on the porch or back yard together. Remember your first date on that park bench by the river splitting your favorite Subway sandwich, plan a date and recreate it down to the bag of chips and their favorite cookie.
Couples on a regular basis should be doing the following:
- Have a date night weekly
- Plan a grand date night quarterly
- Go on a week-long vacation together (just you two!) yearly
The benefits of dating your spouse are:
- Fosters intimacy
- Provides private and alone time for the two of you
- Reminds you why you love your spouse
- Gives you the opportunity to prioritize your spouse
- Have fun! Connect, bond and laugh.
- Doing more than talking
At the end of the day, spending time with your spouse should be something to look forward to and not something you dread. Don’t think for a minute that you can try and tell me that you are to busy or don’t have time- you make time! You make time for what is important! You fund the time no matter what is going on in your busy lives or with the kids. You fell in love with this person the first time, now do it over and over for the rest of your marriage or as they say, “till death do you part”!
