Healing starts with letting go. Sometimes it is not about the other person or the person that you have lost (or even the sales deal). It is about letting go of the old version of yourself. It is about the unknown. It is about change and most of us fear change.
You are going to look back and reflect. You are going to realize that the old version of you tolerated to much and put up with too much bullshit and that from this day forward the new version of you is going to be better for it.
Grief is a funny thing. It is a total shock to our systems. It is a disrupter to our minds, body and emotions. Sometime our thoughts are disorganized and create irrational behaviors. The brain can even have a false sense of reality as it tries to figure out and process what is really going on.
We never move on from grief (fear), but we learn to live with it. With each day getting a little better. Griefis the price that we pay for love (Queen Elizabeth II) Grief can change shape, but it will never end (Keanu Reeves). “Grief is like the ocean; it comes in waves, ebbing and flowing. Sometimes the water is calm, and sometimes it is overwhelming. All we can do is learn to swim.” – Vicki Harrison.
Marcus Aurelius’s view on grief, drawn from his Meditations, emphasizes accepting loss as natural change, focusing on our controllable reactions rather than uncontrollable events, and transforming pain into virtue and growth, reminding us that while death and loss are inevitable parts of nature, our inner response is where our power lies to find meaning, cherish the past, and live virtuously.
Where there is death, there is birth or re-birth. The old version of ourselves needs to die for the new version of ourselves to be born. The new version that has learned from the old version and takes the information, processes it and is accepting of what cannot be changed and is out of our control. The new version of ourselves takes control and will not allow ourselves to be harmed in that way again. Using grief (fear) as a catalyst for growth allows us as individuals to strengthen our character, focus on wisdom, courage, and allows us to live more fully.
Grief (fear), though painful, is “good” because it’s a natural, essential process for healing, adaptation, and growth after loss, helping us process emotions, build resilience, find deeper meaning, and form stronger connections with others and ourselves, ultimately allowing us to integrate loss into our lives and move forward, rather than stay stuck. It’s not about finding happiness in the pain, but recognizing the constructive role it plays in rebuilding and discovering new strengths.
The pain and realization of outgrowing the old versions of ourselves is hard. It means that we need to choose a new version of ourselves and that the unknown version of ourselves can be very scary. In essence we are feeding the fear monster. We are making fear bigger than it really is. When fear pops into our heads we grab onto that thought and make it bigger than it really is. Fear is as they say, not to fear, but fear itself (President Franklin D. Roosevelt). When FDR made this statement, he was saying that we need to face challenges head on with confidence and action.
This is the same when we grieve the loss of a relationship, a job or more. The anxiety that we are creating from grieving the loss is that we truly fear the most. We are fearing the change, the unknown and potentially a better version of ourselves. We are reflecting and made at ourselves for tolerating that version of ourselves.
When we tell ourselves that we cannot ask that beautiful woman out or that we cannot make the big sale, we are feeding the fear. We are making it bigger than it really is. By feeding the fear, we are increasing the anxiety within ourselves.
The only way to get rid of the fear is to make it smaller. Think about when we were kids and were scared to ride a bike, but we make the fear smaller and eventually rode the bike. Making the thoughts smaller than they really are is how we overcome the anxiety and fear that we are creating within ourselves. Sometimes the only way to get rid of the fear is to do the opposite.
Sweaty palms and heavy breathing coming from the thought of talking to the president of your company or the cute barista at your favorite coffee shop, do the opposite. If your brain says I could never talk to them, go talk to them. In the end it is only going to take you one or two fucking times to get over the fear and realize the bullshit that you are creating in your head. The answer will always be NO unless you ask. The fear will always be overtaking if you allow it. Being consistent with your actions and thoughts will help you overcome the fear of the specific action. What is truly the worst that can happen?
Grief can create fear. The only way for fear to become smaller if for the old versions of ourselves to die and the new versions of ourselves to be born. This is not going to happen overnight, but it will happen. You just need to choose and make the decision upon the reflection that you did on the old version of you. Take the information, learn from it and become the better version of yourself.
Still not sure where to start, call us and we can help you through the process.
