OK, hear me out. Some of you might disagree with what I am about to say. It’s not a controversial topic, but it is one that has been debated in academia or the academic world for years. “Confidence”! Confidence in my opinion is a skill and not a personality trait as some claim it to be.
The definition of confidence is a feeling of self-assurance arising from one’s appreciation of one’s own abilities or qualities. Confidence is a feeling or belief that you can do something well or succeed at something. Confidence is the ability to trust in one’s own skills and judgment to handle various situations. Let’s dig a little deeper. Confidence is a feeling of trust and firm belief in oneself, leading to a sense of assurance and certainty in one’s abilities or the reliability of something. Now, after reading that, do you think in your opinion that it is a skill or a personality trait?
In psychology, personality traits are defined as stable, enduring patterns of thinking, feeling, and behaving that characterize an individual and differentiate them from others, consistent across various situations and over time, like being outgoing (Extraversion) or diligent (Conscientiousness).
The definition of a skill is the learned ability, proficiency, or expertise required to perform specific tasks or activities effectively, typically developed through practice, training, or experience. It involves applying knowledge to execute actions smoothly and competently, ranging from physical dexterity to cognitive or social abilities.
Now, after reading those definitions, do you think confidence is a skill or a personality trait? In my opinion confidence is predominantly a learned skill, not an innate personality trait. While some individuals may naturally lean toward higher self-assurance, confidence is built, cultivated, and strengthened over time through practice, experience, and overcoming challenges, rather than being a fixed characteristic. It is developed through repetition and action.
How do we build more confidence, through repetition. Doing something over and over and making us more confident. How do we become more confident leaders, by facing our fears, consistent actions and strengthen our beliefs. Confidence is like a muscle, the more you use it, the stronger it gets.
People tell me all the time; I want more confidence. I want to be more confident in my everyday life. How can I develop confidence. Whether it is in dating, dealing with a spouse, asking for a raise or just living everyday life. Gaining confidence comes from living. Confidence comes from embracing failure and learning from the opportunity. Remember, you did not fail, you learned. To build confidence, it requires willingness, dedication and effort. It also requires the willingness to step outside our comfort zone.
Stepping out of your comfort zone allows you to become more confident. This will feel uneasy and fearful, but when we confront our fears, we build up resilience and develop confidence to understand that our fears just hold us back.
Confidence comes from self-talk and what you are telling yourself. Positive talk to yourself builds confidence. Telling yourself you can do something over and over makes it easier to do the task. Confidence comes from believing in yourself. Believing in your ideas and believing in your capabilities.
Confidence comes from being self-aware. Like everything that we learn, confidence starts with self-awareness. We need to understand ourselves. This is the foundation for building confidence. It’s important to understand our strengths, weaknesses and the parts of us that we need to develop before trying to build confidence. Being self-aware enables us to set realistic goals and progress at the speeds that we want to maintain.
Confidence comes from continuous learning. Confidence can only strengthen and flourish when we constantly acquire new information and develop new skills. As we constantly push ourselves out of our comfort zone and embrace a growth mindset we can build confidence. By doing this and pushing ourselves, we build strength and prove to ourselves that we can do more than we initially thought and in turn build confidence.
We also need to remember to celebrate the times that we notice ourselves being confident. We need to look back and realize that the situation wasn’t as bad as we thought and that our confidence allowed us to be successful in that moment. Building confidence is hard. It takes patience and the ability to overcome our fears. It takes us getting our of our comfort zones. It takes a certain type of person to accept sets backs and learn from them. It take someone who is willing to continuously embrace opportunities to stretch ourselves and our abilities to become more confident.
I didn’t tell you anything that you didn’t already know. I didn’t give you a secret formula to make you more confident. I did give you the ability to self-empower yourself for self-discovery and personal growth. I did give you the confidence to become a better person one situation at a time. I can assure you, all of us with some confidences were not born this way. So, the next time you feel yourself being held back by fear or something else, dig deep down, find the confidence that you already have, and you might be surprised how well things turn out for you.
