After the kids go to bed
1hour for chores and or work
1-hour for dedicated partner time – screen free of at all possible
1-hour for personal space and time
In the recent months I have challenged several of my couples to try the three hour rule for relationships. I am sure that you have never heard of it, but I can almost guarantee with certainty that if you try it, your relationship will thank you and me later for doing it. It is pretty simple actually.
Once you put the kids to bed, you have three hours. In those three hours you have one hour for chores, You have one hour dedicated to your partner and you have one hour to yourself. By doing this every night and following the three-hour rule, you will see your relationship grow, you will become closer to your partner, and you will be grateful that you made the change.
In the first hour after the kids are put to bed, do whatever chores need to be done around the house. Need to finish the dishes, vacuum and pick up the front room or pack lunches for the kids, great. This is the time to do it, but here is the catch, you need to be doing these “chores” or activities with your significant other. Doing them together develops communication skills, understanding, empathy and the ability to spend time with one another. Also, working together may help get things done quicker. Need to do the dishes, one washes, and one dries the dishes. Need to make the kids lunch, one gets the snacks while the other makes the sandwiches. Make sure to take time to dance around the kitchen, smack some asses and enjoy the time together. Some tasks are a must each night, but it doesn’t mean that they can’t be fun when doing them together.
The one hour together means no screen time. This means conversation over a nice glass of wine. This means sitting on the patio and talking about your day, your week’s plans or the kids. This also means that you need to listen and engage with your partner with no phones or tv. This means that you talk about the relationship. You talk about the future of the relationship and what each of you can do to make each other happy and continue to bond.
The third one hour is your personal time. This is a no questions asked, judgement free time. This is the time to finish up your work and prepare for the next day. This is your time to play video games without backlash. This is your time to watch your favorite show or doom scroll if you so choose. However, you use the time in your space and in your office, your family room or your personal space. If you choose to watch a movie together even better, but that is both of your choices and no pressure from one or the other to tell you what you can and can’t do with your time.
Utilizing these three hours each night and especially during the week will help with communication, help create closeness and should eliminate any animosity towards one another if one is making lunches while the other is in the other room doing what they want.
This relationship rule creates the opportunity to work as a team and to understand your partner’s needs. This rule is very simple and easy to structure your time. This rule keeps the two people in the relationship from becoming “two ships passing in the night” and just living together under one roof and never working or talking. Take the time to tell your partner each night two things that you love about them during your communication hour. Tell your partner your dreams for the relationship and the family. Get connected and create the intimacy. You never know, may the one hour together creates a little more intimacy and romance in and out of the bedroom.
This rule also gets couples out of the rut of one falling asleep on the couch and the other one resenting the other for not spending time together. Get out of the normal rut and create your own three-hour rule.
Don’t think that you can get out of this rule if you don’t have kids or you are not married. That is not the case, this is a great rule for couples starting out to set personal boundaries and set expectations. This is also a great rule for those who don’t have children and need to create a reason to spend more time together instead of working last all night. Set the specific time each night to close the laptops and start your three hours for the relationship.
If you have tired this, let me know. If you haven’t is there anything that you would change? Are you up for the challenge? Need a push, reach out and schedule a session or two with me and you will not be disappointed.
