One of the first questions that I ask couples when they come into my office is “when was your last date night? When was the last time just the two of you took time for the relationship?” I am sure you can imagine the facial expressions that I see or get. Life gets busy and we make time for what is important like dinner with the girls, golf with the guys and we forget to make time for the relationship.
Relationships are hard work, and effort needs to be put in on a regular basis by both sides. This can be a simple as a smack on an ass when you walk by or a kiss when you get home and when you are ready to leave in the morning. Showing gratitude and appreciation can go a long way for a relationship.
When is the last time that you thought back about the first time you met your significant other? What did they do that made them stand out from all the others? What made you realize that this is the person that I want to spend the rest of my life with? We get so busy that we forget about where the relationship started in the first place.
I always tell my couples to make time for the relationship each week. Set aside 30 minutes or more just for the relationship. Send a calendar invite, but make it happen. When you are taking this time for the relationship, it is not about the individual, so no questions about the kids or how their day was. The discussions need to be about the relationship.
Where do you see the relationship when the kids leave the house? Where do you want it to be in six months or five years? What does the relationship look like in retirement? These are the conversations that should be taking place. Don’t forget to go down memory lane. First dates, first kisses, first everything. Where did you get married? Where did they propose? How did they propose? These are all the things that make the relationship what it is today, and they need to be remembered and cherished.
Every relationship needs to be watered and allowed to grow. Yes, trying new restaurants is fun and exciting, but don’t forget about that favorite park bench were you used to meet and do whatever it is that you did (eat sandwiches I’m sure). You get the idea. Make it fun. Go down memory lane. Whatever you do, just do it. When we stop focusing on the reason that brought the two of you together and allow the distractions to get in the way, the relationship suffers, arguments start and the distractions start to put a wedge in between the two individuals who are the best part of any relationship.
Don’t forget the little things and don’t forget to celebrate the wins and even the losses. That is what makes and defines the relationship. Every day is a new day to strengthen your relationship. What are you going to do today to make your relationship even stronger?
