I have said it before, and I will continue to say it for years to come. The hardest job that you will ever have is your relationship with your partner. The second hardest job will be raising a family. They can interchange daily, but the rest of the jobs are easy compared to these two.
I am not saying this to never get in a relationship or have children because of how hard it is. These are two of the most rewarding and fulfilling things that you could ever do, but with everything that is called a “job” because there is work involved, and relationships are no exception. You can continue to put the work in daily or wait until there is an issue and try to fix it at that point. The choice is up to you. But, we all know that it is easier and less costly to maintain than to try and correct a major issue that could potentially be costly.
If you choose to work on it daily, this means that the relationship must continuously be a priority. Yes, life gets in the way, but we prioritize those things that are most important to us. The relationship must be at the top of the list if you want it to work. There are a few things that you can do to help maintain a positive relationship and consistency, peace and sanity throughout your daily life.
Do Not Keep Score
This is not a contest. This is a partnership. A relationship is supposed to be 50/50, but when it is not, you are there to support your partner not to remind them that they were not keeping the relationship equal. Somedays your part in the relationship will require more than other days and vice versa. Trying to keep score only creates animosity, but it also creates a false reality as both of you have a different idea of how the “game” is being played and if you are not both on the same page, there is no added advantage and in all reality you are both at a disadvantage for even thinking about scores, one upping the other and more.
Bring Forgiveness
Bringing forgiveness brings peace to the relationship. At the end of the day, it is not about being right or wrong but about supporting each other and strengthening the relationship and building on the solid foundation. Bringing forgiveness shows compassion and love towards your partner. This can lower anxiety levels for both parties, This can elevate the “he said she said” situations and this can create intimacy and bring the two of you closer together than ever before.
Engagement
When your partner is in the room, engage with them. Put your phone down and create a two-way dialog that creates positive engagement. Show your partner what they mean to you and give them your undivided attention. This will help each of you learn how to listen better and make each other a priority. Schedule time for the relationship.with each other about your days, kids, happenings and other. This engagement should create intimacy between the two of you.
Generosity
This does not mean that you need to buy your partner a gift every week, but flowers do help from time to time. What this means is give your partner your time. Show your love by small acts of kindness and actions of love. This means actively listening when they need you to listen the most. This means spending quality time together such as date nights, going on walks or just making time for each other. This means forgiving them when forgiveness is needed.
Continue to Show Up
When things get hard, and they will, be brave and tough enough to help your partner through the tough times. Never be negative or name call when you are in arguments. Always showing respect and love towards one another. Doing the things that you say you are going to do and try not to disappoint. Anticipate your partners needs and help them. Create intimacy on the daily. Support each other’s dreams and the dreams of the relationship daily. View yourself as a partner and not a helper when your partner needs it most. Help each other love not only themselves, the relationship but the family members and more. Support them like it was the last thing that you do.
There are so many additional suggestions that you can consider adding to the above list, but this is just a start. This list is just a few topics that come up in my relationship sessions with couples and partners. Every relationship is different, and it is up to you to in the effort to grow your relationship. After reading this list, what would you add? What from the above do you think is the most important. This would be a great topic for discussion with your partner to see if the two of you are on the same page.
